Money Talks: The importance of talkin’ money with your honey

Faith and Finance

“He likes Chinese food, but I prefer Italian.”

“She likes to sleep in. I like to get up as early as possible.”

“He loves pickup trucks. I’ve always dreamed of owning a convertible.”

All couples have issues on which they disagree. (Yes, I’m told even William and Kate.)

But with a little communication and compromise, issues like those above shouldn’t be cause for any major friction in a marriage.

In fact, the key to resolving most disagreements — small or big — often comes down to equal parts communication and compromise.

 

The number one cause of divorce

Unfortunately, many couples invest significantly more time debating the Chinese vs. Italian restaurant question than they do talking about one of the most important issues in their relationship: money.

Widely regarded as the number one cause of divorce in the United States, disagreements over money — everything from how it’s saved and spent to how it’s split — often get swept under the rug where small issues become bigger ones.

In most households, one spouse is primarily responsible for handling a family’s finances. (Increasingly, by the way, that spouse is a woman. Recent polls indicate that women handle 75 percent of the family finances and control roughly 80 percent of family purchasing decisions.)

There’s nothing wrong with having one person take the lead when it comes to a family’s financial needs and obligations. It’s an efficient model that works well for many couples.

Don’t make the mistake, however, of assuming that because only one person is responsible for paying the bills that finances are only their concern.

Like raising kids, money management is an area in which couples need to be on the same page and where it’s wise to monitor your hearts in regards to your treasure.

 

Communication and compromise

If you’re a parent who monitors your child’s sugary-snack intake to help ensure their well-being, it can be incredibly frustrating if your spouse allows your children to eat whatever they want, whenever they want.

Likewise, if you adhere to a budget — perhaps in hopes of saving for an important goal like a child’s education or a family vacation — it can be a source of great aggravation if your spouse freely spends money without thought to the consequences.

The good news is both situations can be resolved with a little communication and compromise.

The bad news is, given the rushed nature of our lives, communicating can be easier said than done

 

Establish time to talk

That’s why it’s important to set time aside to come together and discuss your finances. Proverbs 27:23 tells us: ”Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, and attend to your herds.” While our flocks and herds look a bit differently these days, in order to be good stewards we must know the state of our finances.

Once a month, schedule a time when just the two of you — without kids — can sit down to discuss your financial situation. Giving it a fun name (How about “Talkin’ money with my honey”?) can be a reminder that it’s not supposed to be something to dread but rather just an opportunity to talk.

Of course, if your budget is tight, holding your date at a fancy restaurant is probably not a smart choice. Packing a picnic and going for a walk is just as effective. The only requirement for the date is the ability to focus on your financial situation including everything from progress toward your goals to challenges that you’re facing. If you’re on a budget, hold each other accountable for your spending.

Most importantly, if you can’t resolve a tough issue by the end of your date, it does not mean your time together was a failure. The very process of voicing concerns and addressing issues together is a huge victory that can pay future dividends for your relationship.

On tough issues, humbly go before the Lord seeking wisdom and discernment. James 1:5 offers us a powerful promise: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” God longs for us to ask Him to be head of our finances and to guide our decision-making. Resolve to keep working together — with a healthy dose of compromise — and pursue additional help or resources if needed.

And as you make progress toward your goals or overcoming challenges, don’t forget to allocate part of your date night to a celebration, perhaps at a Chinese restaurant…or maybe Italian.